Some Answers But More Questions

So after a long wait I have finally been seen by the physio, the podiatrist and occupational health. However despite being desperate to find answers to my HS and a way forward, I seem to have gained more conditions to my motley collection.

I have been told that I am hyper mobile and that inflammation of the tendons due to stress (ie bacterial/viral/auto immune and physical) is what is causing joint pains and stiffness. That I have a ganglion on my radial/carpal joint which is preventing full movement and causing immense pain. Hmmm so what now? Apparently it could be also a type of arthritis.

Ok so I know all this  - there are names to the pains but what in hell is the way forward. Painkillers, help will remobilising stiff joints and underused muscles, realignment of my skeletal frame, however there is no real cure. More painkillers and more doctors argggh!

I fell down the stairs yet again because my knee locked and my ankle gave way – I can’t even wipe my bum properly because I cant use my hands well. Don’t get me wrong its not that bad all the time but I am seriously concerned because I am only 40, what's going to happen from now on?

I want a job, I want money back into my account, i want no more pain, no more doctors, no more people telling have you tried this or that like i am some kind of idiot who just does not think or try anything, I want to do more than sit around waiting to die.

So I ask questions, get a few answers and then ask more questions – you would think that between some 7-8 specialists someone would be able to help????

Falling Apart

I am still in pain and each day things seem to be overwhelming. It seems easier to go to bed, eat or slob out on the sofa than to get on with life and living.

I am so worried about money and despite huge help from my father, there is still no money in the pot so to speak. Yet i keep spending money – why  - i really don’t know. Its like why do I eat when i know that arse is the size of a small country, why do dally when there is tasks and work to be done, why do i keep doing this to myself?

Even getting washed, brushing teeth and general care has gone and i have had enough. Its so damned pointless. So with that in mind I have created a schedule and I am bloody well going to stick as best as i can to it – it paces me and ensures that things get done.

Please God help me to turn my life around and get a job and be back to how I was…i hate this lonely crappy existence.