Well the break from the bloody lesions was short lived. The minute I completed the course of steroid wham bang and another bloody lump appears and others flare up again. How on earth will I ever be able to work again I really do not know. There is no respite – I wish that a fraction of the predictions by the medical profession were true. The one about remission would be good…but yet again I am in pain, Cannot sleep and spending hours of my life crying and crying.
I am now so fat that it is ridiculous. I hate this body, I hate this life in fact I am so fucking angry about the whole damned thing. Guess the happy mood was short lived too. I wish that I could be more focussed, happy and directed but all I seem to able to do is eat, eat and fucking eat. Spent most of today lying on the sofa watching shit TV and stuffing myself with food.
I am broke in more ways than I could ever imagine a human being to be. Money is gone, health is gone, happiness is gone, friends are gone and people keep dying around me. If there is a God please save me from this hell.
Blue funk again…..
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